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The Defiant Mind: Living Inside A Stroke
The Defiant Mind: Living Inside A Stroke by Ron Smith (Ronsdale Press $22.95)
"I continued to view my condition as a nightmare in which I was a reluctant participant. I was still convinced that I was going to wake up, climb out of bed, walk to the car and drive home.";
Just eight months after being felled by a massive ischemic stroke, Ron Smith began typing his manuscript for The Defiant Mind: Living Inside A Stroke using only the index finger of his left hand. His eighteen months of pecking after that became part of his recovery and helped satisfy his "need to be heard,"; to let others know what it's like from the inside out to have a stroke.
Smith thinks the word "stroke"; is far too light to describe a brain that has been "attacked"; or "carpet bombed."; In his case it meant paralysis on the right side of his body, depression, constant fatigue and untold tears.
At first he couldn't communicate; his voice sounding like he was, "chewing on a mouthful of rubber bands."; He describes feeling absent from his own body, becoming "a shadow being"; like something his archaeologist daughter might dig up.
Family and friends figure prominently in The Defiant Mind. The power of being told you're going to get better, and that you're loved, cannot be overstated. They helped Smith feel human again.
Like many people, he shrugged off the early warning signs. Light headedness, vertigo, a collapse on the golf course and a growing weakness on one side of his body were self-diagnosed as the flu.
His wife Pat thought otherwise and took him to Nanaimo Regional Hospital where a doctor insisted that he check in for observation. This saved his life.
While waiting in ER, he suffered a full attack.
"I felt as though I were trapped or lost at the heart of a maze. Bewildered, I couldn't see a way out. And I kept spiralling down, down to a place I knew I didn't want to go to. It was so dark and crushing and lonely.";
While lying in a hospital room beside a noisy and demanding patient, Smith used his memory to escape, and began to reconstruct his personal identity that he worried was slipping away. Smith remembered much loved books, music and paintings. Banned from solid foods until he could swallow safely, his hunger triggered memories of travels to Spain, France and Morocco as a young man on a puny budget.
"Who we are and what we do is fundamentally a function of memory,"; he writes.
While physical needs were met by health care professionals, his mental needs were not. They didn't know what was going on inside his head.
No one knew what caused the stroke or if it would happen again. Smith felt inner chaos (extreme sensitivity to sound and light), pain and spasticity, fear (am I dying?), anxieties (will I be disabled?) and loneliness.
"...my body felt weighed down, like a tree branch bent low to the ground after a heavy snowfall, and my brain was in free fall, rapidly losing touch with thoughts and images that connected me to the familiar. How I longed to kick my way through a pile of leaves and stare up through the bony shapes of maple and alder trees at the winter sky.";
In The Defiant Mind, Ron Smith explores new research around memory and brain plasticity which is the brain's power to regenerate pathways. He works hard at multiple therapies: exercise, meditation, massage, acupuncture, personal training and swimming where, "everything stops hurting.";
He also imagines walking the streets of London and Rome or the sands of Long Beach with Pat. His ability to hold a book, turn the pages and read eventually returns. "What a feast for a reawakening mind.";
Smith worries that too often stroke victims are abandoned by health professionals and he tells the story of a patient who couldn't speak, but could tap out messages in Morse Code. Each patient's experience is unique. There is no template for treatment.
Smith does value the care health professionals provided, but laments a huge gap in knowledge and understanding of what individuals are actually experiencing.
Today Ron Smith, founder of Oolichan Books, uses a cane and walker amid the trees at his Nanoose Bay home. He hopes to regain at least 80% of his former mobility, but in hindsight says he should have taken note of symptoms sooner and dialed 911:
"Had I used common sense,"; he says, "I could have prevented myself years of unnecessary grief.";
A stroke is the leading cause of disability in North America.
78-1-55380-480-2
Mark Forsythe is co-author of The BC Almanac Book of Greatest British Columbians.
"I continued to view my condition as a nightmare in which I was a reluctant participant. I was still convinced that I was going to wake up, climb out of bed, walk to the car and drive home.";
Just eight months after being felled by a massive ischemic stroke, Ron Smith began typing his manuscript for The Defiant Mind: Living Inside A Stroke using only the index finger of his left hand. His eighteen months of pecking after that became part of his recovery and helped satisfy his "need to be heard,"; to let others know what it's like from the inside out to have a stroke.
Smith thinks the word "stroke"; is far too light to describe a brain that has been "attacked"; or "carpet bombed."; In his case it meant paralysis on the right side of his body, depression, constant fatigue and untold tears.
At first he couldn't communicate; his voice sounding like he was, "chewing on a mouthful of rubber bands."; He describes feeling absent from his own body, becoming "a shadow being"; like something his archaeologist daughter might dig up.
Family and friends figure prominently in The Defiant Mind. The power of being told you're going to get better, and that you're loved, cannot be overstated. They helped Smith feel human again.
Like many people, he shrugged off the early warning signs. Light headedness, vertigo, a collapse on the golf course and a growing weakness on one side of his body were self-diagnosed as the flu.
His wife Pat thought otherwise and took him to Nanaimo Regional Hospital where a doctor insisted that he check in for observation. This saved his life.
While waiting in ER, he suffered a full attack.
"I felt as though I were trapped or lost at the heart of a maze. Bewildered, I couldn't see a way out. And I kept spiralling down, down to a place I knew I didn't want to go to. It was so dark and crushing and lonely.";
While lying in a hospital room beside a noisy and demanding patient, Smith used his memory to escape, and began to reconstruct his personal identity that he worried was slipping away. Smith remembered much loved books, music and paintings. Banned from solid foods until he could swallow safely, his hunger triggered memories of travels to Spain, France and Morocco as a young man on a puny budget.
"Who we are and what we do is fundamentally a function of memory,"; he writes.
While physical needs were met by health care professionals, his mental needs were not. They didn't know what was going on inside his head.
No one knew what caused the stroke or if it would happen again. Smith felt inner chaos (extreme sensitivity to sound and light), pain and spasticity, fear (am I dying?), anxieties (will I be disabled?) and loneliness.
"...my body felt weighed down, like a tree branch bent low to the ground after a heavy snowfall, and my brain was in free fall, rapidly losing touch with thoughts and images that connected me to the familiar. How I longed to kick my way through a pile of leaves and stare up through the bony shapes of maple and alder trees at the winter sky.";
In The Defiant Mind, Ron Smith explores new research around memory and brain plasticity which is the brain's power to regenerate pathways. He works hard at multiple therapies: exercise, meditation, massage, acupuncture, personal training and swimming where, "everything stops hurting.";
He also imagines walking the streets of London and Rome or the sands of Long Beach with Pat. His ability to hold a book, turn the pages and read eventually returns. "What a feast for a reawakening mind.";
Smith worries that too often stroke victims are abandoned by health professionals and he tells the story of a patient who couldn't speak, but could tap out messages in Morse Code. Each patient's experience is unique. There is no template for treatment.
Smith does value the care health professionals provided, but laments a huge gap in knowledge and understanding of what individuals are actually experiencing.
Today Ron Smith, founder of Oolichan Books, uses a cane and walker amid the trees at his Nanoose Bay home. He hopes to regain at least 80% of his former mobility, but in hindsight says he should have taken note of symptoms sooner and dialed 911:
"Had I used common sense,"; he says, "I could have prevented myself years of unnecessary grief.";
A stroke is the leading cause of disability in North America.
78-1-55380-480-2
Mark Forsythe is co-author of The BC Almanac Book of Greatest British Columbians.
Submitted on November 9, 2016 in By David.
